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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
avroshi's LiveJournal:
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| Wednesday, October 24th, 2007 | | 9:32 pm |
Yeah, unfortunatly trying is not working. I have tried both ends of the stick. But trying to be on the side of the stick I prefer seems to not be possible. The mind gives way to possibility and hinders dream. All is possible, however in this realm of likelihood the chance of failure is ever so dominant over the chance of success. Shoot or suckes or settle for failure? Should I, could I, may I? Questions I cannot answer nor the answer be provided for me. Inqueries of the hearts mind are those very issues. A man who thinks with his heart, so I have found, is a man doomed to a life of becoming friends with all who crosses his path. But a man who thinks with his head is one who recieves that which he desires with his heart. To be either of these men is futile. In thinking with ones head the fellow recieves what he desires but ultimately finds other points of attraction to which his heart is drawn. In thinking with his heart he becomes surrounded in self-agony and pain the likes of which are indubitably horrendous. So the question boils down to this: Pain...or pleasure? | | Sunday, October 7th, 2007 | | 1:23 am |
yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaa | | Monday, September 24th, 2007 | | 3:19 pm |
Have you ever had a desire for something out of reach? Something that, if not for an outside torturer, is easily within your realm of attraction? Unfortunatly, this is the situation I find myself in; a situation of unattainable attraction. To more easily envision this mangles mess in my mind, I use the example of magnetic attraction. Visualize, if you can, two magnets on a small table. Assuming these magnet have no vertical force, and only have the capability to move in the cardinal directions, as on a map or sheet of paper, a third magnet is placed in between the original two. This third magnet has a polarity equal to the sides of the other two to which it coninsides, in other words, this third magnet repells both of the originals. Now imagine, as best you can, the first and third magnets ( third being the one in the middle and first being the on to the far right) grow armlike appendages and begin to force themselve closer to each other until they are ultimatly touching. This attraction, if you haven't already figured out, if forced, abrupt, and illogical. What is left is the magnet to the far left is being kept away from the other originial magnet, the magnet with whom he/she wants feels the attraction and is, above all, left to be the outcast. OUTCAST. What an isolated feeling it is to be the outcast. Through the entirety of my life the outcast magnet has be me; trying to be with the first magnet while forcibly being pushed away by the third magnet, the torturer. Although the outcast magnet rarely ever gets the innermost of his/her desires, one thing is for sure, he/she can only hope. Therefore I say this: My hope, and the majority of all my hoping hereforth, will be focused on the realization of how forced the bonds between the first and third magnets is at the core. And along with that particular hope comes the hope of the natural attraction of the original two magnets can be fulfilled. But, in all reality, that is all one can do. Hope the Outcast becomes the welcomed. | | Tuesday, September 11th, 2007 | | 11:56 pm |
Ok, so I keep thinking about events that have passed over the past couple of days...I met people, I talked to people, and I have paused on playing WoW because of my new "social life" as those with lives call it. The bad thing about doing the right thing is that people rarely remember it, especially if they are piss drunk when you do the right thing for them. I don't know if she remembers that night but she has talked to me a lot more than before....and just coming over to talk....not with any particular reason....or a made up reason at that. I don't know why I am confused like this, it should be plain and simple...but it isn't. Life has it's ways of slapping you in the face. Whether it is realizing that no matter how much weight you lose you are only getting bigger and taller, or fearing rejection yet again as so many times in the past. Or maybe it is a roommate not having figured it out and you not flat out saying it for fear of being bitched at for it. All I can hope for is for something to happen that makes me feel better about my life. I think too much, I answer my thoughts with assumptions and am never able to fully realize if those assumptions are correct. I mean look at my life beforehand.....rejection after rejection from both friend and foe, how am I supposed to have the confidence to follow through with my thoughts. As of right now, my thoughts remain just that, thougts...inside my head with little chance of expression. My lack of ability to express myself is my true weakness. My one, true life affecting handicap. Current Mood:  confused | | Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007 | | 9:40 pm |
Color Guard for next year is going to fucking be hilarious. most the people I see on the list are soem of the least coordinated people I know. Everything else seems to look fine...either way I am glad Imma be 119 miles away woot. | | Sunday, May 13th, 2007 | | 6:13 pm |
Fuck me. I am being pushed away by people who I thought were friends....people who I thought were family...people who I thought had the slightest care for me. Fuck that and fuck you. I am going to get back to one of the only things that has kept me from screwing my life up even further. Post with something I have done to any of you which would lead to a need to push me away. Go ahead, I really dont' bite despite any fat jokes that may have any reasoning that I might. | | Wednesday, May 2nd, 2007 | | 7:38 am |
 | The Ice Tray | | People Iced: | Forty | | Car Bombs Planted: | Eight | | Favorite Weapon | Shank | | Arms Broken: | Sixteen | | Eyes Gouged: | Sixteen | | Tongues Cut Off: | Nine | | Biggest Enemy: | The Bull | Get Your HITMAN Name
AWSOME-GAME |
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| | Friday, April 27th, 2007 | | 8:13 pm |
Wow. Today has been an interesting day. I think I have finally come to terms with something that has been bugging me...what that is I don't exactly wanna say to everyone. But still. I figured it out and I don't think much good is going to come of it in my life, maybe in others but probably not mine. | | Wednesday, February 28th, 2007 | | 3:38 pm |
One last thing to do before studying for exams for IB, ToK oral. Looking back, the things we have done seem very small when we first do them, but looking at it in a list kind of puts things into perspective. For me, I have done, and will do before graduating in May, the following over my 4 years at IB: -PreIB Biology -Science Fair -PreIB World History -PreIB French I -PreIB English 9 -PreIB Health -PreIB Algebra I -PreIB Chemistry -Science Fair -PreIB English 10 -AP/PreIB Modern European History -AP Exam for APMEH -PreIB- French II -PreIB Geometry -PreIB Algebra II -PreIB Anatomy -Science Fair -AP United States History -AP Exam for APUSH -AP/IB Geography -IB Exam for Geography -Geography Internal Assessment -PreIB PreCalculus -AP English and Composition -World Literature Paper I -AP Exam for APCOMP -Business Education and Technology (Typing) :( -Theory of Knowledge Part I -PreIB French III -AP/IB Biology SL -AP Exam for Biology -Science Fair -AP/IB Environmentl Science -AP Exam for APES -Numerous labs and projects for APES -AP/IB French HL -IB French Exam -French Orals I and II -AP/IB English Literature HL -IB Exam for English -English Oral HL -IB Discrete Mathematics SL -Discrete Internal Assessment (Project) -IB Discrete Exam -IB History of the Americas HL -IBHoA Internal Assessment -IBHoA Exam -Theory of Knowledge Part II -Theory of Knowledge Internal Assessment -Theory of Knowledge External Assessment (Oral) -Extended Essay -Fill out a good bit of coversheets for our papers -All the homework that would take years to fill out every bit, whether I did it or not. Wow, that is a lot to do for a high school student. It's kinda Nostalgic, yet not. Becuase when I think about all the things I have done or will do in the next few months before exams, I get really gittery, like I am ambout to be able to get the fuck out of here. Finally, after all these years and years of work. We are the Seniors of '07 and are almost done. Just saying, where we get the diploma's or not, there is only a little bit left to do, a little farther to go, so lets make the best of it and get out safely....personally, I don't want the diploma, nor do I care...we have just done too much to give up hope now. Feel free to copy this list and modify it for your personal use should you wanna say what you have done, or if people that aren't in IB bitch about their 700 word paper they have to write to graduate. Peace out folks, timma level my rogue. Current Mood:  contemplative | | Tuesday, February 20th, 2007 | | 5:37 am |
I won't hold a grudge for stopping me from doing something I would regret later in the school year, but I am going to hold a grudge for bitching at me for doing it while you were all in the same power to prevent the very thing say you are criticizing me for....well who deserves the medal, the one for doing the hitting or the one who stands there laughing at the guy doing the hitting and then bitches at him for it afterwards. I wouldn't have much to say if you had stopped me.But since you didn't bitching, or analyzing, or being the good guys taking a stereotypical look a this. You want to condemn me for life for something as small as a couple of slaps on the face go ahead, be my guest, do it. I have plans for the rest of my life which includes not beign whiped. No more bluffs, another point attempted to be proven. Too many people push me over, you "friends" aren't going to do it, my sister isn't going to do it, and my father isn't going to do it. I am sorry for what I did, although you guys are still assholes. I am not sorry for what I did, you guys are still assholes. I am just going to coast through the remaining times here at IB to avoid the likes of you hypocrites. I am done. Current Mood:  blank | | Friday, February 16th, 2007 | | 3:22 pm |
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My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. If women want to be treated equally, they will get the shit beaten out of them just as much as men do. They want to use this so called "whip" of theirs, they can do it all they want, I don't have anything left for them to attempt to take away from me....as many of you witnessed, my sister is a bitch, any method of trying to make her leave me the fuck alone and realize I have my ways of relaxing as well and mine don't take so long. What little dignity I had is gone. Congratulations Wood. I may be the bitch to those of you who don't know me. I don't care. If you don't take the time to get to know me then you opinion about me doesn't matter. None of your opinions matter. People say I shouldn't hit my sister, that I should be nice, that I should just brush it off and ignore it. If that works for you, you might want to get checked for a mental disorder cause something aint right in your head. And for those of you who made it down here, good job...now fucking leave me alone....and to those of you who made it down here and were there to witness what happened....fuck you even more, laughing, mocking, being dicks....you aren't worth my time. As little value as my time has, I am not short of beating you guys to a pulp or embarassing myself doing it. That's enough...I had to go through this in middle school and you cockbites aren't going to make me relive that. I thought I had escaped that. Bonds are pointless, especially the frail bonds that constitute high school friendships. All of you should have learned by now that conciousness is something nobody outside of yourself can understand about you. My conciousness is telling me to make a choice between two things. Neither of which I am going to tell you and if you start to bother me, or try to caress me into telling, I am not. I hate being told what to do by people who havnen't the right or ability to give an honest order. I hate when people don't listen and do what I tell them in a situation where I have more experience, know-how, or capability to give the commands, however small that thing may be, however small of an aspect may get....I would still like a little cooperation and should you have a different idea or plan regarding this, a simple discussion wouldn't be to much to ask for. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. 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My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. My sister is a bitch. Current Mood:  angry | | Tuesday, February 6th, 2007 | | 7:18 pm |
I can only imagine life in the future. College, Marrige, creating a family from scratch. To be honest I don't think I will be able to do that. But I will sure as hell give it my all. Another thought I have been having recently is of various people I know will probably not be in my life in the future, none of whom I will mention seeing as how I am that shy. Shy. What an awkward feeling. To be around someone you care about and acting like an ass to get that measily laugh or giggle that might brighten your day. Or how about the meeting of eyes in the hallway, or the glance that causes you to feel wierd because you were looking at her just the moment before. Sometimes thoughts can be full of illusion. When thinking, I know each and every one of you who call me your friend consider the "what if"'s "What if she says no," or "What if I act stupid and lose her forever." A bit dramatic yes, but needed to make my point. My shyness has consumed me. I realize now that I will never be able to make the first move when it comes to getting a date. Too many bad memories and bad turnouts and humiliating letdowns. My most aggrivating thought is "what if I have to see her again," or "What if my friendship with her is tainted because of this." Sad. A mere high school crush is causing me all this thought and realization. If you realize who you are....you might want to make the first move. If not, which is more than likely the case, oh well, I have really lost the will to get over this shyness. This "roadblock" if you will. I will retain my "Fat Man" title (Tommy you will just have to give Alen the "Boy Blubber" title. My fat is who I am. It is what I have come to be known for. My strength comes from this stuff you so conviently refer to as a "turn off" or as "gross." You don't like it, find it repulsive, enjoy laughing at me behind my back about it, heh, your loss. So personallity isn't your thing, fine, have fun being beaten by the drunk "hot" guy down the street. Rarely do guys with personality also come with the looks. Funny, eh? So much time and thought put into an LJ post that is probably the most effective turn off ever. Again, the shyness comes into effect here, telling (insert name here) that I realy don't care for the pompous way I am treated really isn't my style. "I am trapped in this Octavarium" Anyone care to speculate on what this may mean. And please no, "Hey, cool song" comments. Now that I mention it, no comments that are just there for space. I would really rather you fucking read this and think "Wow, what does he mean." and then respond with a "(insert VALID thought here)." How hard is it to do that. I never really get to say what I am thinking without getting wierd looks from people...well, now is the time if you already haven't done it yet. I won't feel wierd cause I won't be able to see it. Well, have a nice life. Doing my usual assumtion that you won't get understand it, read it, or whatever. Looking forward to what kind of off the wall comments those of you who read this will give me just cause I requested for there to be no stupid and unnecessary. | | Monday, January 22nd, 2007 | | 8:22 pm |
Life has been stressful for me these past few weeks. Some bad things happened to me, and some good. I feel bad to say this, but the ending of a life made my heart lighten. I don't think it was the loss of this life, but the knowledge that the hurt should be ending with the loss of that life. I have recieved condolences from only a couple of people, and to those I say....thanks. Sometimes it is hard to go through life having gained the knowledge that I have, good and bad. Some of that experience one should never have had to go through....no examples. This post may seem emo, it may seem a little whiney...and it is. Not many people have to joy of coming home to a clean house with dinner on the table and the family already tearing through the turkey and dressing that was carefully prepared by your mother and I am one of those people. Recent events have brought upon me the feeling of change. Change, never a good thing, nor a bad. But sometimes change is the right thing, to tear you out of a realm where waking up is hell, where coming to school is pointless, where living is meaningless. More people have to go through this than ever before. Imagine a life in olden times when everyone had this problem. A time of comfort and protection. But, eh, that went away with the birth of democracy. Taxes, what a wonder they are. They coincide with bills. I guess there are bills because companies, such as the water and power companies, are scared of the government laundering their cash. Otherwise, we could just compile every fee needed for the upkeep and managment of the pipes and lines into one bill added to the tax taken away from a peon's paycheck every week or couple of weeks. And for the self employed, why not just set a seperate tax for them, because they are special. Like little kids in a playpin, not a care in the world aside from the shiney red ball with it mesmerizing spin. The self-employed people should have pay few taxes for taking the job of messing with the weekly or biweekly taxes from an honest paycheck and giving it to an accountant. Accountants, they sicken me. Accountants are possibly the lowest scum on the earth, right next to emo kids and the creator of the Real Life. This is about the point in most sad, whiney, and long livejournal posts where the composer would throw in a few good "god damnit"'s, "fuck you"'s, and "I hate life, please kill me or I will do it myself"'s. No. That is stupid, everyone has the right to vent, through poetry, however crappy it may be, through music, or through random posts and blogs about "going against the man" or the "machine" or whatever those fags call it. My point is this, I am not going to throw out any "fuck you"'s or "god damnit"'s, just some happy thoughts that have yet to be thought..thunk......thunken......whateve r. While I am flowing on happy thoughts, I would like to thank you, in the nice outfits and clothes, the funny smelling smells, as well as the generous family of a close friend, and the kindness of one who might not even realize it. These past few weeks have been harsh and even walking into this shit of an existance and seeing a smiling face looking at me here, a kind gesture coming my way there, and the open ears of a friend across the way....whether or you believe it or not, has kept me sane during the pain. About now is when one would usually break down, write a love story or account of something that he/she wished happened to themself rather than to someone more or less deserving. Also to those who take the time to read my long posts, and really understand what I am trying to say...I give kudo's. You read through this post looking for some usefull social information, blackmail, or knowledge, congratulations, you might have some...but majority bets you won't find anyting of worth. To you imbeciles I will give, although I probably shoudln't, a nice, long-awaited "fuck you," "piss yourself," "back the fuck off," and the whole hearted "suck my banana hammock." With nothing more to say, now is where I type out a bunch of bullshit to keep some of you bastards from just skipping to the last sentence, completely missing the point, and making some bullshit comment on something you didn't care enough to read all the way through and take the time to understand what the fuck you are commenting on. Through this miserable journey, I have finally arrived at the end of my post. Whoa, that was a breathful, eh. To make everyone who actually read this post feel better about living, and to prevent any lawsuits for god-knows-what, I will wrap up this tearfest with this simple, life altering statement....Neunundneunzig Luft Ballons! Farewell and goodnight. Current Mood:  calm | | Friday, January 19th, 2007 | | 10:46 pm |
Fuck, I think I just screwed up. But whatever. I have really stopped caring about this shit of a hole. | | Tuesday, January 16th, 2007 | | 9:18 pm |
I decided something today. The thing that I have been using to escape this shit of a home life has taken over, thus making the rest of my life become shity. You can't seek to escape too often, otherwise where you escape to will not be so magnificent. Current Mood: contemplative | | Tuesday, January 9th, 2007 | | 10:17 pm |
"Carry on my wayward son There'll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don't you cry no more Once I rose above the noise and confusion Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion I was soaring ever higher But I flew too high Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man Though my mind could think I still was a mad man I hear the voices when I'm dreaming I can hear them say Masquerading as a man with a reason My charade is the event of the season And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know On a stormy sea of moving emotion Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean I set a course for winds of fortune But I hear the voices say Carry on, you will always remember Carry on, nothing equals the splendor The center lights around your vanity But surely heaven waits for you Carry on my wayward son There'll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don't you cry (don't you cry no more)" This song is more meaningful than only a couple of you can ever dream. There is reason behind this post, although, like I said...only a few people will understand what I am talking about to its full extent. Have fun trying to figure out what this post means if you aren't one of the few who are self-aware enough to associate with me. | | Sunday, January 7th, 2007 | | 6:17 pm |
I was going to write an entry about overthinging things...but that was too troublesome. Too bad life is starting to suck. Things could have turned out well for me..... typing is to much work, I think I will get back to science fair. | | Friday, January 5th, 2007 | | 6:34 pm |
| You Are Animal | 
A complete lunatic, you're operating on 100% animal instincts.
You thrive on uncontrolled energy, and you're downright scary.
But you sure can beat a good drum.
"Kill! Kill!" |
Hehe | | Monday, December 4th, 2006 | | 7:27 pm |
O', how when they cheerfully clique together Girls tend to forget the source of that cheer The trip to Berea was at best...entertaining. I was the only guy hostee so I was naturally pushed away from the three girls, who were all decently preppy. That trip taught me something believe it or not, myself can be a dick when it wants to. When the girls would talk to me (usually wanting me to do something), I found myself responding like a douche. (Keep in mind that this was "post-clique.") It got the the point where they didn't even have to be talking to me and I would respond with the utmost awareness that I was being a dick. It was hard not to, just listening to their conversations just about killed me from laughter. One girl, even though she was nice (for the most part) was proud of herself for getting a 21 her third time 'round taking the ACT. That should give you an idea of the level of intellegence I had to deal with. I stayed with a senior music major..funny guy. Laughed my ass off when his friends were chunking fried potato pieces at him this morning during breakfast. The only girl there (she was the one who made the "innocent" comments) was near enough to my understanding life to be able to tell I was being a dick. I found it funny. Her general response was "You know what, I'm gonna slap you!" Although she never did. On the way back, I was talking about WoW with Carl, the admissions dude we rode with and my only souce of sanity on the trip, and one girl asked me "What is WoW?" So in the middle of explaining she said" Oh...ok, who makes it Nintendo?" At that point in time I might as well have taken off my pants and slapped her with my penis I was being that big of a dick. And the only girl who could tell kept her mouth shut for a while until she started trying to correct me on what the first video game system was. I laughed my ass off the whole of the way back....until the girl from Centre had to leave (the one who knew what the fuck was going on)...then the last hour was quiet. The food is comperable to that of your average middle school...however you have more options of various types of crappy food. Despite the fact that I had to sit through a two and a half hour long Christmas Concert that I thought would be cool but ended up being one giant "clap for Jesus" fest, making fun of everyone was quite enjoyable. I did get to pwn some people in Guitar Hero while I was up there. One guy played the same songs eight times each, or it felt like it...so he usually got 4's on expert. But, eh, oh well. My weekend was quite enjoyable in that aspect of the trip. Fun times.... ....I still can't believe that girl though Nintendo produced WoW. Goddamn. | | Thursday, November 30th, 2006 | | 10:15 pm |
WEll, I got my acceptance letter from Auburn today. I am Happy. I don't have to worry about anything school related after this week. At least for a couple of days. |
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